


Naught

by w0ifpup



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Caleb is definitely not happy here, Gen, M/M, Nott (mentioned) - Freeform, Spoilers, and tagging, calebs backstory spoilers, i'm bad at angst, self deprecating thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 19:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14655012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w0ifpup/pseuds/w0ifpup
Summary: He hears a whispered curse from Molly as he kneels down in front of Caleb and gently makes him look up, a hand on each cheek as he carefully wipes some of the falling tears away with his thumbs. He worries his lips before mutturing “I suppose this is that 'later' I mentioned, isn't it?” and darts back off into the other room.OR : I wrote an entire fic because I thought of one line and was like "shit that's good"





	Naught

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! thank you for reading my second fic of the fandom!! ^^
> 
> Again, I'm still very new to writing, and I hope to improve!! I know I'm not the best at character studies or properly writing personalities yet, but hopefully that'll get better as I try! I'm hoping this ones a little more accurate than my last one?? 
> 
> As usual, un-beta'd but I'm hoping it's okay ^^
> 
> Hopefully my tags are clear enough on the content and warning, (anyone reading something tagged with Calebs backstory should be prepared, i'd think?) But if I need to update them please tell me!!

  
Slowly peeking into the hallway for signs of anyone, to find all doors shut and no sound coming through the walls, Caleb quietly steps out and sits in the hallway in between doors, careful to avoid any creaky wooden boards, so as not to wake Nott as he left. He didn't want her worrying and repeatedly comforting him again. He needed some time to think.  
  
He told Beau and Nott... a lot. More than he was originally willing to, but as much as he thought he needed. He needed to get into that library, it will be worth it. Or at least that's what he keeps repeating to himself every time he regrets it, every time he panics thinking they'll all leave now.  
  
  
_Because why would they want to stay, after learning even half of what he told them._  
  
  
It's not that he's not willing to part ways, he already asked Nott if she was willing to leave with him. They haven't been a group for that long, he hasn't known them that long, but... it was starting to feel like maybe, just maybe, he could see himself staying. Being a part of this group for longer.  
  
Not that it'll matter much once they all know. He can't keep it a secret much longer now that Beau knows. He thought he'd be willing to face that, he could handle it for the knowledge he's getting in return.  
It's not proving that simple.  
  
He doesn't deserve them to stay anyway, or the words and attempts at comfort from Nott and Beau. He's got too much blood on his hands.  
  
  
_Some of it the same blood coursing through his veins_  
  
  
So many people brought to him that he willingly killed, tortured, so many people. Even his own parents, brought to death by his own hands, by his own choices. Remembering the fire, the ash, the blood, the screams-

  
_He chose this, he caused this. At a point he might've even enjoyed it, until that night._

  
Deep in his thoughts, he doesn't notice a door quietly opening by him in the hall, but he does notice the familiar purple color in his peripheral vision, abruptly but silently sitting down next to him and saying nothing.  
Glancing Mollymauk over, Caleb finds he's wrapped in the tapestry he'd purchased previously, though with all his jewelry removed and his hair messed up, by sleep or his earlier activities, Caleb doesn't know. Leaning his head back against the wall with his eyes closed, not trying to make Caleb talk, not asking whats wrong, just waiting.  
  
There's a long silence as Caleb considers what to do while studying the tiefling next to him. He's sure this is more than a simple 'Hey I noticed you're sitting alone in the hallway, I'll just keep you company.' He's sure Molly knows something's wrong, that something happened. But he won't pry, not yet, anyway.  
As Caleb sighs and buries his face in his hands he hears a a small scrape of Mollys horns against the wall as he lifts his head to look at the wizard, inevitably studying him in return just as Caleb was. He does his best to hide his shaking, tries to steady his breath, and hope it just seems like he couldn't sleep.  
He doesn't think he's doing a very good job, as a tail rests on his arm but otherwise the other stays still, doesn't touch him or move until Caleb says something.  
  
He can't stay like this all night. He has to move, talk, do something so that he can leave. Molly doesn't know. He doesn't deserve this gentle touch, this patience and care, he doesn't deserve to be protected.  
He doesn't feel himself shaking more, but as a hand rests on his shoulder he finally realizes how intense they are, but he quickly tries to pull away from the touch.  
Barely a moment of silence before Molly is standing and retreating back into the other room, and Caleb feels both relief and a lonely pull in his stomach as he hears the footsteps retreating. He didn't expect him to leave so easily, but maybe that's better, it means he doesn't care as much, it means it'll be easier to leave, easier to forget and -  
  
He looks up as Molly drapes his own coat over Calebs shoulders, the jingle of his jewelry sound softly from the pockets.  
Worry etched on his face but flashing a small smile when he realizes he finally has Calebs attention. He notices Mollys eyes widen before he notices his vision blurring, or feels the tears starting to fall down his cheeks and onto the bright and gaudy coat now wrapped around him. He hears a whispered curse from Molly as he kneels down in front of Caleb and gently makes him look up, a hand on each cheek as he carefully wipes some of the falling tears away with his thumbs. He worries his lips before mutturing “I suppose this is that 'later' I mentioned, isn't it?” and darts back off into the other room, returning swiftly with a small vile.  
  
The entire time Caleb wants to tell him to stop, he doesn't deserve this, he doesn't need this. He wants to tell Molly to leave, to pretend this never happened. But he can't get his voice to work.  
Every time he tries its just a small strangled noise as his tears fall harder, speckling the coat he tries to shove off before Molly gently wraps it back around his shoulders and holds the bottle in front of Caleb.  
He stares for a moment before he starts to realize it's lavender oil, the strong smell easy to focus on even through his nose, congested now from crying. He sees the tieflings shoulders visibly relax, causing a questioning glance up from the sniffling wizard.  
  
Molly is still kneeling in front of Caleb, watching him in case he starts to break again,  


_He's already broken, he's watching for naught._  
  
  
He looks relieved as he catches his blue eyes with red, and leans forward to put the small vial and Calebs hands, shaking less than before. He stays in front of him though, waiting in case he's needed.  
  
Caleb closes his eyes and smells the lavender, lets himself focus on it, ground himself with it. Tries to forget the smell of fire and ash, or at least distance it before he opens his eyes and catches a small smile threatening Mollys face, which lights up when Calebs attention is on him again. “While I'm glad you like my perfume so much, and I'll tease about that later. For now, how're you feeling, love?” It's a quiet tone, with more care than he dare hope for.  
  
Caleb stares down at the vial and takes a few steadying breaths. All the while Molly waits patiently, hands hovering but not touching yet, until he knows it's okay. Eventually eyes open and Caleb glances at the hands and at Mollys face, awaiting permission. A voice still tells him he can't have this, to push everyone away before they know who he really is, what he's done.  
He hopes that for once, he can allow someone to care. Even if just until they know the truth. Still not trusting his voice but nodding and letting Molly gently put his hands on his shoulders, and waiting in case Caleb doesn't like it, or pulls away.  
  
He's not treating him like fragile glass, or like he'll shatter. Neither is he treating him like dirt, or a murderer. He treats him with a gentleness not unlike the care he has for his blades, something important, something to be gentle with, but something strong and beautiful.  
  
  
_Something that only works when blood is drawn, when life is taken._

  
He shuts his eyes against the dark thoughts resurfacing, and leans forward until his forehead is against Mollys shoulder. Taking a deep breath he tries to focus on the lavender, though he's not sure which one this time.  
A gentle hand rubs comforting circles on his back until he pulls away, and feels less like he's crumbling. He's still not okay, and voices in his head still throw their negatives at him, but for now he's stable. He can breath.  
  
Molly tilts his head before grabbing one of the sleeves of his coat and and reaching up to clean the tears off Calebs face, pausing just before he does in case he wishes to pull away. He doesn't.  
After a minute Caleb shrugs the coat off and gently folds it before holding it up for Molly to take, and he does so gingerly before sitting it in his own lap and looking back at Caleb.  
  
His head hurts, and all he wants to do is go to sleep. It seems to be etched on his face because soon enough Molly is standing and holding a hand out for Caleb to take. “C'mon, up you get. Time to get you into bed.” he says softly. After staring at the hand for a moment Caleb accepts and gets pulled to his feet.  
  
Before he opens the door to his shared room with Nott, He watches as Molly puts his coat on, not even sparing a glance at the spots still damp with tears and smiles at Caleb. Similar to all the smiles he puts up, but just a little softer. “I won't ask you what it was about, I reckon you'll tell me if you want to eventually.” He whispers as he takes one step forward to pat Caleb gently on the shoulder, before walking backwards to his own door. “Whatever it is though, You're always welcome to seek me out if its bothering you again. Goodnight, Caleb Widogast.” He doesn't get an answer until he's already got his back turned and his hand on the door.  
  
“Goodnight, Mollymauk Tealeaf... Thank you.” And turns around to catch Calebs door clicking shut.  
  
 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So! I hope that all made sense ;;
> 
> Normally I'd just draw when I get fandom obsessed, but I'm trying to make myself write in between drawing! Hopefully with practice I'll get better at it ;u; I know I'm not particularly good at it, specially at descriptive writing and getting personalities down... but I'm working on it!!
> 
> I also made a critical role/ d&d side bog because I realized I was flooding my main with it too much ^^;  
> Feel free to follow or message me there, also feel free to ask me to write there if you want!! I'd like to start trying to do writing prompts to practice?
> 
> https://owlbearsarecool.tumblr.com/


End file.
